Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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