just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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