i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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