I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
