This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
