I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize