wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
