Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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