we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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