so that wasnt chicken after all
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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