3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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