for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
