I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
