it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
