my mouth tastes like poor choices
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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