Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
