I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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