How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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