like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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