he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
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The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
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Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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