Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
