Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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