I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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