i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
