oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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