Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
