Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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