How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
