found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize