My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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