I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
