I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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