im six kinds of drunk right now
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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