are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
