I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
