the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
