Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
