He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
