Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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