I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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