All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
