He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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