so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
