Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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