so that wasnt chicken after all
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
