i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
