Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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