I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize