Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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