I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
