dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I need moral support for this bender
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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