I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Is it because I queefed?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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