please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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