i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
