dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
