why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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