fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
