Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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