This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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