it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i think i just lost a toe
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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